wow i need to update this thing. not in terms of the layouts, just of the content (or maybe i should change some of the layouts idk). i havent updated my portfolio in a hot minute (even though i do have a new tumblr theme up and some drawings) and i never use this diary even though i probably should. its a much smaller audience than something like tumblr ... (also this is the only website i can freely use stupid emoji pixels without being called cringe)

mental illness (depression/adhd) makes me not draw as much, and when i do draw its nothing special - usually coloured sketches or chibis. i havent done a fully rendered piece in my usual style since august; instead, ive been experimenting in terms of technique if i do render something. ive been in the same place since july in terms of "school or job" and the last semester (autumn semester) i bombed in terms of grades, so im looking for a job. im much happier when im employed than when im in school, and i keep trying to say this, but its a matter of what my family wants sometimes. given the state of things... eh. who knows if ill get a job (i doubt it given my work history & The State of it all) or ill just keep doing bad in school until i graduate with a .0000004 gpa

ive also been going through my files and finding a bunch of blogskins ive downloaded from the web archive and other websites ... since blogskins has been down for almost 10 years, i have nothing to do with any of these other than hoarding them. i used to convert them to tumblr themes which, again, id just hoard. i dont know if i should make another neocities to host them & the codes as they were, or upload them to pastebin or whatever else ... ill figure it out at some point. i admittedly do the same thing with tumblr theme codes, but sometimes i edit them for personal use (the way i like my themes) and just keep those hoarded instead of the original codes

speaking of files, i lost a bunch of them thanks to something involving onedrive. to say im mad is both an overstatement and an understatement - i am over it and thankful it wasnt worse (the amount was pretty small), but oh my god do i not trust file hosting cloud services anymore (other than the icloud which is what i use usually). and im not sure how to solve the problem since the cloud is only up to a certain point and i dont know if i have a physical copy of those files anymore ... which tells me i need to invest in more physical file storage. or just never use microsoft again and never switch from windows to mac ever again. we shall see. but given that my computer is turning 5 or 6 this year, im worried im gonna be forced to replace it soon ... planned obsolesence is something i despise with all my heart. but luckily i wont be switching systems so i guess itll be fine? id just rather not spend the money on something thatll be obsolete within a year or two anyways

ALL OF THAT ASIDE, i do want to do something with my hordes (codes, images, fonts, brushes, etc) because i do think theyre useful for people who build neocities websites. back in the day, that was for tumblr themes, but that seems to be going the way of the dodo with the "mobile only" format being much more common. customization on websites is slowly dying and thats something that makes me very upset. i like to express myself! i like websites with layouts to choose from and communities of users who make them (such as here and tumblr)! being an individual is a pain in the ass nowadays. i have been trying to share the brushes i use in clip studio on tumblr and twitter (the twitter is all but dead because i hate elon musk) but its been very slow going since ive been getting wrist pains from the more complicated process on tumblr. the url is funfuntrunk (same username on twitter) if anyone is interested in having a peek

that is all for now my oomfies this is much more ramble-y than usual i just started thinking & typing

EDIT : also i should probably fix the broken files on here since the website they were hosted on is broken ... if i can remember what they are orz
EDIT 2 : FILES FIXED ! thank you to the soldiers on the web archive who archived this page for whatever reason

its july and i havent tackled anything on the to do list in the side ROFLMAO ... admittedly, ive been busy despite being unemployed. theres been school and the like and looking for jobs. plus, although they are few and far between - commissions! im currently working on one for an anonymous client that has me doing a lot of things in html ive never done before. its been challenging but lots of fun! the biggest challenge is being forced to use tumblrs theme editor, since i no longer use the adobe creative cloud. finding alternatives to dreamweaver has been difficult and working without real-time previews is a pain in the ass. if anyone has any recommendations please let me know wink wink nudge nudge

but in other news, i will be 25 years old in july! very strange. i never thought id make it to adulthood; i was a very miserable whelp of a teenager, which is mean but true. for my birthday, ill be going on a road trip with my brother to Holiday World, Kentucky Kingdom, Cedar Point and Kings Island with one of our friends! and ill be going to see the Foo Fighters and going to Hersheypark the day after my birthday. the day of, i get the exciting job of going into the city to a see a sleep doctor. for many years, ive had an issue with cataplexy, which is apparently a major symptom of narcolepsy. and when i tell you guys i can sleep, i truly mean it. i am among gods strongest sleepers. but when i sleep, i never feel completely rested ... which has already posed issues at school and at work for many years. its been a problem since i was much younger and im happy to finally get it addressed again (the last time it was, i got put on anti-seizure medication that made the problem worse)

i may be back in school in august unless i can find a full time job, which i admittedly want to do. school has never exactly been my happy place, especially given the fact i have ptsd that stems from being there. while i function decently well and rarely have panic attacks, i have very consistent nightmares. i was actually much happier working in fast food than i was in school; in a job, you dont have to worry about grades. as i may have mentioned last journal entry, my academic performance is mediocre at best and has been consistently so since ive been off my adhd meds

also, ive mentioned this on other websites, but i will not be participating in artfight this year (while ive made attempts to participate before). the longstanding issues with the servers & the fact the previous owner of the website stole donation money for personal expenses has me wary of using it, and until the current team steps up and addreses at the very least the server problem, i dont think ill be rejoining. i may retaliate against anyone who chooses to attack despite this, but thats really it ... youll have to ask for an art trade the ol fashion way (by the way, they are always open & youre more than welcome to ask if we are mutuals on social media )

thats all for now! someone remind me to start putting my long posts on here instead of on tumblr (even if my long posts on tumblr are much more miserable and less chipper than this)

QUICK EDIT : also, i have been making small updates to the website if anyones been keeping track for whatever reason! i should probably clarify that the update log above here is for more major changes, and not for things such as the portfolio and plushie page

happy new year! can you believe it? we made another lap around the sun!

i am currently sick with my second bout of covid in two years. so if this post sounds weird thats because my sickness is probably making my brain foggy. i will be going back to school within a few weeks, ill be a college sophomore! i still havent decided a major - if anyones seen my moaning on twitter (i am not calling it x), ive had a lot of issues pinning down exactly what i want to do because of my ... how do you call it ... Issues, in regards to my social skills and general development.

to be honest, i dont really do new years resolutions anymore. because i think theyre kind of stupid and id always end up breaking them within two weeks... or id just end up forgetting. but if i had to pick:

and these arent necessarily goals but i would like to get back on adhd medication because i think thats had an impact on my grades and ability to focus (both have been worse since i got off of them). ive been off them for almost a year and it sort of shows with my art production level going down from 2022 compared to 2023. but its sort of a conflict of interest within my family because of them being " Street Drugs ". or something like that. its silly, really, because i do function better with them and it has sown before

so yeah! thats all i have to say at the moment. maybe ill remember to update this thing on the regular. hopefully

GUESS WHO FORGOT ABOUT THIS... it was me. i need to update the website a little bit, the portfolio and whatnot

so i will no longer be using deviantart for the foreseeable future. this is the second time ive stopped posting there, i think? from now on, all of my artwork will be on tumblr, twitter (x) and possibly instagram. although im not too sure about instagram either

either way , i am alive and well - if you dont follow my other socials, that is. i am thinking about uploading some more fonts and doing some other fun stuff with the website, but for now i dont have any ideas. i do need to make the page on my pet cats, though, because i DO have ideas... ive really only been updating the plushie collection page. BUT! we shall see if those plans pan out

other things that have happened since my last journal entry on here:

another cool awesome thing is im probably gonna get tested for narcolepsy because theres a very good chance i have it :P yah

damn the fact i never properly archived or backed up my old art. anything before... mid 2011, id say, is lost to time forever unless i can find remnants of it. i am considering making a folder somewhere, maybe in google drive or something, or a separate tumblr blog to archive my old art so i can have it on hand. also damn the fact i never saved art that was made for me unless i really liked it... which is kind of an asshole move, but i was an asshole kid. what can you do. i want to kick younger mes ass though for the wasted time this has caused

anyways, i am currently working on my coding portfolio page. itll only have certain examples of my codes up, because i consider most of my themes outdated. all old codes will be avaliable on my theme blog, which will be linked on the page. itll also have my first professional website on it! very exciting things and all that

over the course of a few days, ive been transfering my sozai over to this computer. its been a real pain in the ass given that my old computer is basically on life support because it hasnt been updated, but whatever. i had thought id lost a bunch of images, but they were actually in the recycling bin! so ill have to get those transfered over to. in the meantime, i can do some image updates ive been wanting to do on here.

i also finished my pixels page. it was quite a bit of work, since i dont really code with image-based tables often, but hey! its all finished. and now that i actually know how to do this... some idea possibilities have opened up. i even widened my credits page so that way it changes size based on your monitors display size like the rest of my codes!

you may also notice i changed the buttons at the bottom of this page. originally, the images from this website (alicehome) were placeholders, but ive grown fond of this layout... so until further notice its permanent. the tiny amakusa is still there, although i might colour him pink so he fits the rest of this page. otherwise, not much new is going on - i do plan on changing my tumblr theme since i have all my sozai back (i actually finished my art blogs theme while preparing this), so look forward to that

haha jk im gonna make this a bit of a diary, but itll just be discussing site updates and future plans. ill figure out how to archive everything later. but anyways, at the moment i am looking for pixel sozai to use for the OC pixel page... i want it to look as old web as possible. but not having my old sozai collection makes it a bit difficult, because the websites i would ideally use are down/havent been archived, and all the images id saved are on my old computer. im even considering going for a cyworld minihompy type of look, but its very difficult to find images for the tabs/buttons. if gifcities and the web archive could save my ass right now, thatd be great, but i highly doubt it... god bless the people who saved all the images from kpop idols minihompies. they are the real heroes

anyways! i do have some plans for future layouts. for the past few days, ive been saving images from japanese websites and i found one i really like... and thats poka.twinstar.jp. once i am done the plant display layout (which i have started) ill do something with that. i also plan on doing things with some of the other sozai pages i have on my links page. its just a matter of actually doing them, really... im also going to be uploading some new fonts to my fonts page. thats about it, really